Cecil

im sick of being so in love with someone who isnt in this universe with me. i miss him every day and ive never even met him he's all i want and yet all i can never have. his voice is so beautiful and ill never hear it unprocessed in my ears again. Ill never have him. i feel insane. i want to love normal people like a normal person but i just miss him so much and it sucks so bad because like he obviously doesnt exist (at least here) and i dont think i can write enough love letters and stories or draw enough doodles to fill the ache because the ache is unfillable. every vague you in every vague love song is replaced with my beautiful, nonexistant carlos and i can just never have him. how on earth is that fair? how is any of this fair?? ive just been ripped away from him and told im insane for loving. UGH!! i miss him